Day 310 - Danny Katz on straying cats

I don't know how else to say this, so I'm just going to be brutally honest. I absolutely love Danny Katz and have been completely smitten by his brilliant wit and humour for years. He's a columnist for The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald, but what I especially love is him as the Modern Guru in the weekly Good Weekend magazine where he "solves your ethics and etiquette dilemmas". Heck he's a big part of the reason I subscribe to The Age in the first place.

His responses to everyday dilemmas are nothing short of genius and always have me guffawing so violently that Snowflake gives me weird looks.

I had a big smile when I came across the following while sorting through old newspapers.. Danny talks cats!

"My cat has been spending long periods at the neighbours' house, lured by roast lamb and warmth. Now she's staying for sleepovers. Help!"
M.B., BALLARAT, VIC

Danny's response:
"Statistics tell us that up to 40 per cent of spouses are victims of infidelity, and I'm sorry to break it to you so bluntly, but your cat is seeing someone else. All the signs are there: she's eating at the neighbours' house more often, not even touching the delicious meal you spent hours lovingly preparing - Friskies Tuna, Liver and Cheese, dumped in an old ice-cream tub you used to use for paint. She's staying out all night and sneaking home the next morning, and if you start yelling, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, YOU DIRTY LITTLE MINX?", she just turns her back on you, giving you that cruel "talk to the sphincter cos the ears ain't lissnin'" stance. I bet she's even started bringing you little gifts: a selection of creamy soft-centred dead mice lined up at the back door. Don't fall for them: they're guilt mice.

You need to do something fast or you'll lose her forever, so try reinvigorating the relationship. Start preparing her roast lamb dinners yourself, plated up in a quality ceramic Hello Kitty bowl. Spend more quality time together in the evenings, cosying up on the couch with the heater on, watching her favourite TV shows: Bondi Vet or any footy match with the Geelong Cats. And become a more caring, attentive partner, patting her more, deworming her less, and playing that fun game where you run around the house dragging a piece of ribbon for her to chase, and sometimes she even gets off the couch to chase it."

Day 304 - 'Just because' flowers

I always laugh when the mailroom guys call me to say "Sammie, there's a very urgent delivery here for you in the mailroom. Can you come and collect it as soon as you can", because that's their way of saying "You got flowers".

From time to time Brett likes to send me 'just because' flowers that are accompanied with a note that usually reads along the lines of "I hope these bring a smile to your face". Thanks babe - you made today's post a super easy one!

Day 303 - The lightsaber laser pointer

I bought a new laser pointer for Snowflake today as she has exhausted the batteries of all 3 laser pointers I have around the apartment, and for some reason I can never find coin cell batteries...?!

But looking at the illustrations on the side of the box the laser pointer came in, I was almost confused that I had bought a lightsaber instead.

I mean, clearly the pictures are illustrating that you can use the laser pointer like a lightsaber to:

1. Get rid of cobwebs, especially when unexpected guests drop by
2. Fight clone troopers
3. Look cool at a rave party
4. Poke people in the colon


5. Give to your baby to fight off those sneaky floating pagodas
6. .....Poke big hard rocks while wearing your flowy robe? Or to cast spells on cave squatters while wearing your flowy robe??? 
7. ...Fight... bushfires?
8. Attack those pesky upside down monorails (they exist!)

Day 302 - Coffee, fatty bacon, poorly photoshopped cat wrapping paper, job title: rock star, some stage of Project Home

On this beautiful sunny Sunday I...

...let out a heavy sigh. Oh coffee how I love you so, don't ever leave me.

...had a healthy dose of mushrooms and fatty bacon. ALL THAT TASTY CRISPY BACON FAT OMG

...giggled hysterically at this wrapping paper of a bunch of poorly photoshopped kittens that all look very sad to be put together. (Of course I bought it, it was only $1!!!)

...laughed and wished that I could put down 'rock star' as my job title.

...completed stage err I don't know 30? 500?! of Project Home. Yay!

Day 301 - Kawa

Kawa (chicken skin that is charcoal grilled until crispy) at Maedaya. This is the kinda stuff I dream about.

Day 299 - Snowflake the ninja

Snowflake sleeps with one eye open like a ninja!

Day 298 - My second fried rice is even better

So following my first surprisingly successful attempt at fried rice, I decided to give fried rice a second go. I'm now convinced that fried rice is the best method of making sure I'm eating between 3 to a gazillion types of vegetables. This time I threw in green beans, mushrooms, corn, carrots, potato and peas.

Before I cooked up a batch large enough to serve a village of starving children tonight, I actually caught up with Chan over a drink after work. At the mention of fried rice (our conversational topics range from Rihanna's vajayjay to fried rice to The Notebook), he started dropping fried rice cooking tips like it's hot. He gasped when I took him through my previous fried rice cooking process, and felt he had to share these - leave the wok for a good few minutes to heat up so that it gets really really hot before adding in the oil (but he felt inclined that he had to tell me to not leave it for so long that I am sure I can see the wok smoking, fearing that I will follow his instructions to a tee and get the house burned down); cook the eggs in the same wok, no need to cook them in a separate pan and then slice them up (he shook his head at the mention of this - "Why Sammie why???").

So I took on his advice, and you know what... my second fried is even better than the first! The eggs were so fluffy!


Thanks Chan. My parents would be so proud that their little girl can now cook fried rice.

And to go with my fried rice, I whipped up the wickedest, most fiery and spicy batch of sambal belacan I ever did whip. I'm talking hot today, diarrhoea tomorrow kinda spicy.

Sambal belacan has a very special place in my heart. The start to finish of it - from the solid slab of pungent belacan that smells like salty smelly shoes (or like prawns have been swimming in your smelly running shoes), to the charry aroma it fills the house with when you toast it in a pan, to how mouth-wateringly delicious the belacan becomes when it meets with pieces of fiery, juicy chillies in the mortar and pestle. A touch of sugar and a light squeeze of lime and SWOON. The flavours are unreservedly Penang. Sambal belacan IS Penang. To me, along with assam laksa and hokkien mee and char koay teow, sambal belacan is home.

And yeah, it's goddamn spicy and the heat does something batshit crazy to you, but that's the best part. I sweat like a pig on heat, my eyes water, my face turns red and pale at the same time, I pant and make a strange groan after each bite, my lips feel like they're on fire and I get the WORST chilli burns all over my hands.

And after all this - at the end of the meal, you'll always hear us spice-lovers go, "Oh my god that was so hot but sooo good!"

I think Anthony Bourdain summed it up best by describing it as "a wonderfully sadomasochistic interplay between pleasure and pain".